What's Better Than Britmums?

Even though it was my choice not to attend Britmums Live, in the run up to the event I still couldn't help but feel a teeny tiny bit jealous of those attending. Meeting up with other bloggers I'd love to meet in person. The wonderful buzz of excitement of the attendees on Twitter over the last few months leading up to the event. Then I heard about the wonderful selection of Keynote speakers I was going to miss out on too. I was really starting to wish I had decided to go after all. I was actually pondering the possibility of devising a last minute plan to go.

Then fate intervened. Fate dropped in my lap something far more exciting and precious. A special visit. A reunion. A much anticipated return. The Australian relatives were coming over! To say I was excited would be a gross understatement. Now to be clear, they aren't actually MY relatives. They are David's. Well one of them is. David's cousin and his wonderful girlfriend will be here on Saturday!! Some people ask why we are so excited as "it's only his cousin".  Well really David and Pete  are more like brothers than cousins. They were born 6 weeks apart and spent most of their childhoods together. Playing, fighting, but most of all laughing. They have a truly special bond. David and Pete are so very alike in lots of ways I can't even begin to explain, you really have to see them together to understand the magical bond they have. Seeing them together is a real joy to behold. It's not just Pete though. There's also the wonderful Sarah, Pete's amazing other half. Laid back, witty and fun. The pair of them are like a force of nature. It's like getting an injection of sunshine when they come to visit. Pete moved to Australia roughly 9 years ago after finishing uni and comes back to see family roughly every 2 years so time with them is precious. The last time we saw them I was 20 weeks pregnant with Holly, and now she is 18 months old! I am so looking forward to introducing them to our little toddler. I hope she likes them (she can be funny with strangers)! I'm hoping though that she senses somehow that they are family and grows to love them as much as we do. 

Fun Times!

 We have so much planned for while they are here, and so little time. I just know it is going to wonderful. So sorry Britmums. I know you are amazing, I know you are wonderful, but this year I have something better.

Bring Me Back To Life...

I won't lie, having Holly was the proudest moment of my life. The most amazing moment of my life. There are other achievements in my life I'm proud of like gaining a degree, but bringing another human into the world is by far the most special. Yet as I am being honest I have to also say that afterwards I was a mess. A whirling tornado of hormones, I didn't know what I was doing or who I was anymore. I expected having a baby to be hard, and I was happy to cope with the sleepless nights and exhaustion. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional & psychological effect. The worry. The guilt. The fear. The pain. I was consumed. Overwhelmed. I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in not a sea, but a thick, dense fog. Everything was cloudy. Everything in my life was dull, in shades of grey. I would smile, but it would be a neutral smile, with undertones of grey. If I am totally honest, maybe the blue had gone from my eyes, leaving only the cold, hard slate grey in it's place.  I loved my child, I could not have loved her more fiercely, but life beyond her paled by comparison. In the cold days of winter all I wanted to do was hide away. Take my precious family and hibernate. I wasn't ready for the world. I felt exposed, inadequate and scared.

Time passed and things grew easier. Warmer weather came to stay. I was more laid back. The fog had lessened. There were still times when it seeped back, as thick and debilitating as before, but those times grew less frequent.  Still though, I didn't feel myself. I felt empty of me. I was full of love for my baby, my partner, but not for myself. I was nothing without the baby. A non entity. I loved and laughed with my family around me, but without them I couldn't remember how to be. I didn't know who to be. Who was I, without my family?


All too soon, winter returned and while I had moved on and relaxed, the same feelings reared their heads. Hard wired into me psyche. I felt the fog come over me. This time though, I had the strength to fight. Things weren't the same. I knew I had to stand firm. It wasn't easy,  but I got through and found joy that I didn't know I had. I found strength. This time, despite the fog, I was able to breathe.

So what about now? The fog has come and gone. In this, the 2nd summer of motherhood. I feel like it has finally lifted. I almost feel like me. The me I was before. Yet not less than before. Even more. Stronger, and fiercer for all the demons I faced.  Having a baby changed my life, and it would be entirely foolish to tell anyone that it doesn't.  Having a child changes you forever, you shouldn't expect to adjust to it quickly. A child is a living, growing thing, they change as often as the tides of the sea.

This summer is a revelation to me.  I am starting to see the true shape of the wonderful family we are.   I don't know what it was that finally tipped the balance. That let me breathe again. I owe a lot to friends.  Who were gentle with me. Not expecting too much, and having the sense to hold back when I needed it and hold out a hand when I was ready.  New friends showed me that I wasn't alone. That I had more to look forward to than I ever dreamed possible.

Dear friends, thank you for helping me. For helping me to be me. For showing me that while being a mummy requires sacrifice, I can still be me.  Thank you for bringing me back to life.

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How Does Your Garden Grow...with Miracle-Gro Flower Magic!

I love my garden, I was extremely lucky to buy a house with an already established and beautifully maintained garden. I love to look at it, I love to sit in it (weather permitting) & it just makes me smile.  I'm really not the worlds best gardener, but I'm learning.

In the meantime though, if like me your green fingers are still growing and you need a little helping hand to get a blooming lovely garden then I might just have found something you'll like!

It's the time of year that I am usually thinking about putting summer bedding plants into my garden, so this usually involves a trip to the nearest garden centre to buy some already established plants. I've always been apprehensive about trying to grow anything from seed. I always imagined doing so would be difficult, and would need a lot of care and maintenance. So imagine my joy when I was given the opportunity to review Miracle-Gro Flower Magic!

This product is an all in one flower mix, designed to be an extremely easy way to grow beautiful flowers from seed. I received the pink and white mix but there is also a multi-colour mix and a blue and white mix. The pink and white mix has a whopping 16 flower seed varieties which are a mixture of late and early flowering plants ensuring that your garden will have colour from June until as late as October!

When a few rare days of good weather finally arrived, I set about using the product for the 1st time. I was initially apprehensive as I didn't believe that the application wouldn't be as easy as the instructions suggested. I was totally wrong! The flower mix pours from the container spout very evenly ensuring a good ground coverage.

However, the thing I like the most about the product is that the flower magic changes colour to let you know when it needs to be watered! For someone with a history of over and under watering plants I find this extremely helpful! 

The first shoots of green have already started appearing, and I can't wait to see the flowers start to blossom over the next few weeks. I will definitely come back and update this post with pictures as soon as I can!

Over all I'd say this is a great product. Such a simple way to get some beautiful plants to grow in your garden...it's almost like magic! 

Lunch is a Battlefield...

Remember the old classic, Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar? Quite aptly it came on the radio the other day just as Holly and I were having a battle involving the throwing of sandwiches and a general refusal to eat anything other than raisins. So in my muddled brain, I am almost sure the lyrics had become "Lunch is a Battlefield".  With that in mind, I have dreamed up my version of the song for your amusement. If you too have an unruly, non eating, high chair jumping out of, flood throwing mini monster in your house, feel free to embrace it as your war cry or battle anthem or perhaps to gain a steady rhythm when your toddler has finally broken your will and you are rocking back and forth in a corner...


You are young, breadstick to breadstick we stand
My promises, your raisin demands
Lunch is a battlefield

Woah...you are strong. I hope this phase doesn't last long
Searching the food cupboards for so long, both of us knowing,
Lunch is a battlefield...

Your throwing your lunch, you're only wanting to play
Why do you drive mummy mad?
It would help me to know
Is my cooking at fault or the best lunch you've had?
Believe me , believe me I can't tell you why
But I hate that you're fussy, and have no appetite.


You are young, breadstick to breadstick we stand
My promises, your raisin demands
Lunch is a battlefield...


Woah...you are strong. I hope this phase doesn't last long
Searching the food cupboards for so long, both of us knowing,
Lunch is a battlefield...

I'm losing control
Will you turn lunch away only you can decide
And before this gets old, will it be still be the same
There's no way this will die
But if it goes longer, I could lose control
When your will surrenders, lunch will be cold


You are young, breadstick to breadstick we stand
My promises, your raisin demands
Lunch is a battlefield...

Woah...you are strong. I hope this phase doesn't last long
Searching the food cupboards for so long, both of us knowing,
Lunch is a battlefield... 





For anyone looking for the original song, here you go! Enjoy!

Goodbye

Tall and dark. Quite literally larger than life. In so many ways.
Deep, throaty, booming laugh. Delightfully and unmistakably you.


Quick of wit, and sharp as a tack.
The king of jokes, the maker of smiles at the drop of a hat.


The broadest of shoulders, yet the most delicate of hands.
Fingers long, almost elegant.
The keeper of  hidden talents.

The organ player who never blew his own trumpet.
The model maker who quietly honed his craft.
Though loud as a fog horn, never arrogant or brash.

A childhood peppered with memories of you, though visits were few and far between.
Sun dappled, full of toys and wonder. Days out never to be forgotten.


A big man, who made a big impression.


I'd give anything to hear your laugh again.

Confession Time....

I have a deep, dark secret. It's a secret I have been harbouring for some time now.

I fear that in revealing this secret, I maybe come an outcast. Shunned. Ridiculed and thrown to the lions.

You see I'm different. There is one aspect of motherhood which just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. That I have no interest in whatsoever.

Prams. Buggies. Strollers.

Yup. I have said it. I am a mum, and I am most certainly NOT a pram-o-holic.

I do not lust after a Phil & Ted what-ever-you-call-it or the latest Bugaboo thingummy-bob. In fact in a quiz of pram brands I'd come bottom of the class.

I just don't get it. A pram to me is a piece of equipment. My interest in it goes as far as this -can it transport a small person from A to B in relative comfort, dryness and without freezing to death. I care not for innovative design. I don't really care if it's multi directional, 360 degree swivel seating. I don't really mind if it is in this seasons most fashionable colours. I don't care if it has shiny wheels, a pedometer and a cup holder for my latte (or frappe).


The fact that I feel this way gets to me. What's wrong with me. Shouldn't I be lusting after the latest perambulatory device like everyone else? Cooing over pram press releases on twitter?

I know quite a few mummies who have gone through at least 2-3 prams/buggies for ONE child. I've asked if it was because the previous pram wasn't suitable or practical enough. Most of the time the answer is no. They were merely seduced by the enigmatic curves and devilishly decadent design of the latest model on the market.  Maybe I'm more head than heart about it though. Maybe that is my problem. If I even toy with the idea of a new pram, all I can think of is that I'd have to learn how to work the damn thing! Learn how it folds, learn how to recline the seat, how to put on the rain cover. All those horribly mundane and eye wateringly annoying aspects of new pram ownership.

I wish someone could explain to me, the joy of prams. I really do. I don't want anyone to think I am having a pop at all the pram junkies out there. I just don't understand.  This is the first time I have admitted it though. When other pram savvy parents tell me all about their new kit I nod along enthusiastically trying to understand their immense joy. I fake it. I just don't have the heart to be a killjoy and say what I'm really thinking. Which is this...

"BUT IT'S ONLY A PRAM."

Am I the only one who feels this way? I don't think I have ever met another mum who will admit to it. Are you out there? Someone? Anyone?

That's my dirty little secret.  So where does that leave me? I feel like I'm standing awkwardly, alone in the corner of the playground. The weird one who doesn't like prams. I really hope this isn't like primary school, were I was shunned for not liking New Kids On The Block....

Attack of the smug married couples...

For the record, I have nothing against marriage. I'd like for David and I to get married at some point. Preferably when it won't cause family arguments, unnecessary stress and cost a bajillion £'s.  Ok, I know it doesn't have to cost a lot of money really, but whatever money it does cost us, I can't help but think of better ways to spend that money. I have nothing against married couples in general either. There are however a certain type of married couple I do take issue with. I like to call them the "SMUG marrieds".

This particular breed really make me all kinds of batshit mental. I know this is a bit of a generalisation, but newly married couples are usually the worst. For some inexplicable reason they think that being married for 6 months or even a year or two suddenly makes them fucking relationship experts. As if their relationship is more secure, more loving and just a million miles better than any of those poor unfortunate unwed people like myself & my partner.

I cannot begin to explain my blood vessel busting fury when a "smug married" attempts to give me a relationship pep talk. I have been with my partner for 11 years. Most of these smug marrieds TOTAL relationship time is generally less than 5 years - including their marriage.

I think in order to illustrate fully the extent of this eye ball poppingly irritating smugness I'll have to give you some examples.

Being introduced to a couple of smug marrieds for the first time

"Hi, I'm Bob. This is my wife Linda."


Then Linda says (grinning uncontrollably and simultaneously waving her ring finger at me as if I asked to see it - I DIDN'T),

"We just got married in July. I can't believe we've been married 6 MONTHS* already!!!"

*The capitals here indicate where Linda raised her voice to about 10 million decibels, just to make sure me and everyone else in the entire universe heard her.

After giving us a minute to offer our enthusiastic congratulations while they bask in their smugness & grin inanely, she then asks,

"So how long have you two been together?"

I tell her 11 years.

"Oh my goodness! That is AMAZING! Did you do something fabulous on your wedding anniversary."

I then explain that we are not in fact married. A looong moment of silence. Linda and Bob cast each other a knowing, pitying look. Turning back towards us with saddened expressions and a concerned tilt of the head Linda says,

"Ohhhh...well...Not that you NEED to be married these days of course. I mean, don't you want to get married though? I just feel it has taken our relationship to a whole new level. It has REALLY changed our relationship in so may ways."

Bob watches on, nodding diplomatically along with his wife's helpful little pep talk. As is my way, I smile politely as I manoeuvre myself and David away from these wretched idiots. As we walk away I see them watching us with that pitying yet smug half smile, then turn to each other once more with that knowing look. I'm fairly certain the palms of my hands are bleeding from all the fist clenching I was doing during that conversation.

So there you have it, it nearly always runs along similar lines. Some are more smug, more pitying, or maybe just bemused by us. God forbid you get stuck with a group of smug marrieds. Then you are really in for a treat. They pick at you like vultures picking at an animal carcass. Then you have the joy of not only listening to multiple pep talks, and the questions about why you aren't married. You get the little digs, the pokes. That hit you squarely between the ribs.

"Ohhh you'll KNOW all about it when you're married..."

We get this one A LOT! Know what exactly? Is it some kind of exclusive club? Is there a secret handshake? A loyalty card? An executive lounge? Do we get a free unicorn? What exactly will I know about my OH or relationships after marriage that I didn't find out by being in a committed relationship for 11 years? Is it some kind of fast track pass like at theme parks? Does it automatically make a shorter relationship more valid or real than a longer one? Simply by the exchanging of rings? What is this, a fucking fairy story?

"Now we are married Bob helps with all the housework!" *proudface*

What? Are you serious? You had to put a ring on his finger to make your partner pull his weight? I'm sorry, we've always had a relationship of equals without the aid of a piece of paper and a slap up meal for 500 after the fact.

I could go on, but I am sure by now you get the picture. Please don't get me wrong. I do not begrudge these people their happiness, or their pride. Being a newlywed is most likey a very exciting thing, to be enjoyed and savoured. If they are happy, then I am happy for them. There is absolutely nothing wrong in declaring your love for another human being. It is a wonderful idea. That said however, just because a couple have not done the same, it does not make their relationship any less secure, special or valid than anyone else's. Neither does having a longer relationship than someone else. I may have mentioned my 11 year relationship here, but I certainly wouldn't use my relationship status to belittle other couples who hadn't been together for as long.

So if you are married, I wish you a long, happy and healthy relationship. And if you are not married, I wish you a long, happy and healthy relationship! Just keep your bloody smug comments to yourself! OKAY?!?