Monday, 9 January 2012

Attitude change!

Well here we are...Holly will be exactly a month old in 5 days time, and for the life of me I have absolutely no idea where the time has gone.  I mean, I actually cannot believe I have managed to look after a newborn baby for nearly a whole month.  ME - the formerly reluctant mum.  Perhaps I should explain exactly what I mean by that...

Holly WAS a planned baby.  However, it took me a long, long time to ever even consider the possibility of having a baby.  For years I was adamant that I never wanted babies, I was absolutely certain.  I was never interested in babies, I didn't coo over them the way other people did. I've never been broody or maternal and I'd never even enjoyed looking after friends babies, and on top of all that I was what I called "pregnancy phobic".  The whole idea of being pregnant and all the things that come with it actually used to make me feel ill. People used to describe it to me as "the most natural thing in the world", well it didn't seem that way to me.  Something growing inside me, making me fat, and sick, and bloated didn't sound very natural to me!! I know saying all this must make me sound like an awful person, but I want to be honest.  I can't really tell you what changed my mind about having a baby, or tell you that my whole attitude towards babies changed, because it didn't.  Other peoples babies still hold no appeal to me.  All I know is that I wanted and needed MY baby.  I just felt that with MY baby it would be different, and it is!

So, do I regret my previous attitude to pregnancy and having a child? NO, I am glad I felt this way because when I was pregnant if things were bad, I would have expected it, so it meant I was prepared.  In addition, when things were going well it made me feel even better because I hadn't expected any part of it to be so good.  So now for the epiphany, the shocking truth of my pregnancy journey, the one thing I never would have bet on in a million years.....I absolutely loved being pregnant.  It was one of the best experiences of my life.  I have never felt more alive, more well, more energetic or excited in my whole life, but I really don't think I could have appreciated it so much if I hadn't been expecting it to be so bad!


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